Agriculture, Environment, Science, Wildlife

Something’s Rotten in Seattle

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Spreading good everywhere.

My dad and I are driving down backroad south of Delhi on a warm spring morning.   In the air is the unmistakeable bouquet of fresh manure, wafting up from a newly treated acre just upwind.  “Smell that?” asked my Dad as he leaned his head out the window, “That’s the scent of profits!”

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Gogo and Wembly consult Marjory on composting, Fraggle Rock.

Compost is one of nature’s small gifts to those of us who wish to take it.  Bagging up potato peels.   Separating lemon rinds from swizzle sticks.  Throwing eggshells and coffee grounds into a bucket under the sink.

And any kid has to wonder, “when are they going to ask me to take that outside?”

The Korsts, a Dallas, Oregon couple composted their entire consumable garbage for a year after removing all recyclables.  Turns out their actual “garbage” filled a shoebox.   For a year!  Meanwhile the compost heap quietly bubbled and burped in their back yard.  No newscast has yet reported that they have gone missing while detectives are following up some promising leads next to the tomato rows.  But we wait to see.

Today, composting is de rigeur.  Ask the virtuous and self-denying citizens of Seattle who just this week accepted a composting by-law.   Simply stated, compost-eligible items may not exceed 10% of their weekly garbage pick-up.  In other words, “if it rots, keep it.”

seattle council

Seattle City Council hash it out.

The city council opened up this can of worms in July with city ordinance 124313.  It requires the frugal and resourceful residents  to reduce recyclable contents in landfill garbage to less than 10%.

Two months later, still not satisfied with the purity of their garbage, city council expanded the 10% cap to compostable matter.  From now on, that leftover duck a l’orange goes under the Spiraea bush in the back yard.

The motive behind this cleansing is to reduce landfill waste.   It turns out that Seattle was shipping 300,000 tons of garbage to a site in eastern Oregon annually.   Remember the Korsts?

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Bags to go: we love ’em but we hate ’em.

Today consumers are whipsawed by legislation over garbage.   Just east of us, Torontonians are thrilled that the 5-cent tax on grocery bags has been repealed by city council.

In this instance, the “single-use” plastic bag definition ran into a legal shredder.   Lawyers argued that once home, using the flimsy bag to hold garbage was a multiple use, and therefore acceptable.

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The sweet smell of success!

You may remember Toronto has had its share of political low days.   One of its good days is the 2010 cessation of trucking over a million tons of garbage to a Michigan landfill site every year.

And farther east, in Ottawa, the citizenry of Canada’s capital were presented with a training video for folding their newspapers.  Why?   To line their wet garbage bin.  There’s government at work for ya.

Which brings me to my main interest: the business of composting.   In my world, if it’s vegetable, it’s compostable and… it’s profitable.

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Modest contributions: raw materials.

To that end, I happily walk broccoli stems, corn husks and wilted flowers out to a pile in the side yard that is the resting place for last year’s Jack ‘o’ Lantern, the weekly grass clippings, and all of the neighborhood’s fallen leaves.

Within this melange of produce there hustles a busy community of worms, sow bugs and centipedes.  They are quietly chomping, digesting and extruding high grade fertilizer.   Behind them, a trail of microbes are further breaking the matter down to its fundamental parts.

Canadian Nightcrawler

A hard, loyal worker. His rings indicate seniority.

While they seemingly toil without cease, I have learned that the earthworm follows regular hours.   A New York State College environmental paper reveals that it takes 8 hours for a worm to digest a meal, head-to-toe as it were.   And the output?  Anywhere from 2%-44% of its weight.

The scientists who made this finding also report that the optimum population density for earthworms is about 8 one-ouncers per cubic meter.   I know that my compost heap does much better than that.   Judging by the cafeteria lineups, I have a high density worm farm in operation.  Don’t tell PETA.

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Rich, dark goodure.

The compost pile delivers the richest, loamy soil every spring and fall.   In the spring, I transport bushels of the black mulch to our garden.  There, it caps the ground, surrounds the new flowers, stifles the weeds and holds the water.

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Compost delivers!

In the summer, I used another 20 bushels of compost to plant 11 rose bushes.   They are bursting in bloom continuously.

In the fall, I’ll dump another load of compost to cover over the roses and the mums, keeping them insulated until next spring.

Total cost: zero.

My hat is off to the noble and frugal citizenry of Seattle.  But my thanks is to Dad making his point on that early spring morning.

Thanks for reading!   You can “like” this on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Tumblr.   Be social and share!

 

 

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direct mail, Marketing, Media, Sports

How the USGA Got My Attention, Fast.

My walk to the mailbox this morning was rewarded by an irresistible offer from the U.S. Golfing Association. A FREE hat!USGA 2014-09-15 505 hat

How can you say no?

Their generosity gives me hope, too. This may be the re-emergence of the direct mail gift premium.

Once there was a time when any subscription offer came with a free gift. A calculator. A tote bag.   We even received a world globe from Macleans Magazine.

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A worldly gift with every subscription.

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The USGA wants me. They actually want me!

This kit begged to be opened. Not because there was a hat, but because the USGA had enclosed a card. For me. An official USGA card for a horrible axe-wielding duffer who scores a rambunctious 108 on a good day.

My handicap is so far off the chart I get a special space to park the golf cart.

USGA 2014-09-15 505 card

I am keeping this close by until my real card arrives, with my hat.

Nevertheless, I am moved by the card. I want it. Opening the kit, I am further thrilled to see that I can join the USGA and get a FREE USGA Open 2015 hat.

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A great slogan. But they don’t know me well.

At this moment, we have approximately 30 hats on the coat rack, all emblazoned with someone else’s logo. I don’t need another hat. But truly, I want this USGA hat.

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A compact offer, with color, balance, and readable content.

It’s like they recognize me. And how I have toiled to write “single-bogey” on a par 3.

Economics: Does This Kit Pay For Itself?

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All this stuff comes with the hat. How can you decline?

As thrilled as I am, and I am sure countless thousands of other golfers are thrilled at a Free hat offer, will the USGA lose its shirt with this offer?

No way, and here’s why:

All in, the postage and production for this piece was probably 40-cents. Let’s say they mailed 100,000 pieces. That’s $40,000 out of pocket. Now imagine that 2% of the readers sign up. They each pay $10 to join USGA. That’s 2,000 new members, for $20,000.

But the hat probably cost USGA $10, so the USGA ends up with 2,000 new members, each with a new hat. And a $40,000 bill.

USGA 2014-09-15 507Imagine now that the USGA direct marketing manager goes into the president, and says, “Chief, I just got 2,000 new members. They cost us $20 each!”

He replies, “Awesome– because at least 1,000 of these members will renew next year for $25 each. And 50 of these members will come to the Open and drop about $250 a day sipping coolers in the Club at Chambers Bay between strolls along the course to see the pros.  We pretty much break even.”

Second Thoughts About The Hat

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This microscopic email form has just enough room for “@”.

I have mailed my reply, and am quietly excited about my new hat.  And the free golf rules I get, and all the other stuff.  But really, it’s the hat.

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The thrill of mail order is waiting for the merchandise.

And then I start to think, what happens when I wear this hat?   First off, it’s yellow– school bus yellow.   So I will be easily identifiable on any golf course, or in any bar, as the duffer who went for the $10 hat.

Some earnest, scratch golfer will ask, “Are you going to the Open in Chambers Bay?”

“No, not really.”

“So why the hat?”

Or some hopeless hacker like myself will see the hat and ask, “Can you help me with my swing?”

“No. I’ll make your helicopter swing look like Blackhawk Down.”

So the hat is on its way, but I am not exactly sure I can wear it.

USGA PhilAnd that just might be “For the good of the game”.

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading.   If you are a direct marketer, perhaps you should test out some gift premiums.   And make sure you put me on your list.

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direct mail, Marketing, Media

Triple-A’s Got You Covered!

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An 11×13 kraft envelope. Pricey, but outstanding in the mailbox.

The AAA insurance offer I just received is a classic example of a winning direct mail design, with an important twist: it’s a fulfillment package. By that, I mean that it fulfills my request for a policy.

Only thing is, I didn’t request it.

If you’ve ever been concerned about getting insurance, procrastination is the obstacle. AAA’s direct mail effort overcomes that challenge. Why it works so well is that it presumes I want coverage.  Like Radar knowing Col. Blake needs a pen before he asks for it.

I don’t need coverage. But there are a reliable percentage of people out there who really do want insurance, and this optimistic kit sets the table very nicely. Here’s how:

1. Trust: being a AAA member, I trust and use the company for roadside assistance, and a pretty much guaranteed 10% off any hotel bill.

2. The Envelope: unusual, but not weird. It’s big.   AAA is paying USPS a significant postage premium for this over-sized envelope, but as in life, size counts.   It’s kraft brown paper, portrait orientation, and has a “business forms” look about it with side zipper for opening.

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This label sets the agenda: there’s stuff inside, and it’s “yours”.

3. The oversized label announces “HERE IS YOUR NEW POLICY KIT”.  Yikes.  What’s this?

4. The manifest: the label details five items inside, including a “Summary of Coverage” which one would infer is already in effect. Amongst other things, there is a “Thank You Gift”, again reinforcing the fait accompli.

5. DO NOT BEND: marketers can only say this if there is a  legitimately unfoldable item within… like a sterling silver name plate… no, sorry, not really, but it does raise our hopes.

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“OFFICIAL ELIGIBILITY” is good enough. The zip strip advises to fold and tear off…as if we needed help.

6. An OFFICIAL ELIGIBILITY LETTER: sounds a little pretentious. I would have dropped “LETTER”. But the title is followed by some computer-generated data dropped into pre-printed boxes.

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Evolutionary Throwback: Upper Case Dot Matrix… for the 80’s crowd.

Note the font. Institutional in appearance, it would warm the cockles of any actuary’s heart just to hear the buzz of an 80’s-era dot matrix printer ripping across the page as a cogged wheel advances the continuous form.

7.   The terse opener: “This is to notify you”

8.   The heads up: “What This Means To You:”

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Commanding, but not demanding copy… and risk is eliminated in three bullets.

9.   Three “No Risk” bullets:  there are two kinds of risk in direct mail.   The obvious one is, “getting ripped off”.

The not-so-obvious risk is the personal hassle that follows saying “yes”.   This letter advises there will be no medical exam, no sending samples, and best of all, no sales person.  So we can put the latex gloves away.

10.   Your Next Steps: from here on, the letter simply instructs the reader how to apply.   There are 5 steps, the last being a deadline date which will be reinforced throughout the kit.

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Penmanship fitting for a President!.

11.   Very important: the letter is signed by a titled officer of AAA Life Insurance.   Unfortunately, I think the writer, Harold W Huffstetter, Jr. suspects that I am a nefarious check forger.   If that is his actual signature, I cringe at the zeal and rabid discipline of his 4th grade teacher who taught him penmanship.

12.   A personalized COVERAGE SELECTION CHART.  (Not shown) There are oodles of legal hurdles that surround direct mail insurance marketing– the prospective insured can’t complain for lack of information.   A close look offers a financial pat on the back for non-smokers, though.

Incidentally, dirt cheap prices start at 18 years of age.   Do Millennials buy insurance?   I doubt it, but it entices the Baby Boomer to look on.

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Application is highlighted and well-spaced.

13.   A color-highlighted application form.  Again, this form probably underwent a martyr’s gauntlet of legal reviews.  I like it because it adds color to an other-wise bland package.   And there’s appropriate spacing for names and addresses.

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This QR code (smudged for confidentiality) pulls up my information.

14.   But note the QR code in the upper right corner.   Could it be that I scan that and immediately apply online?  Nope, and a good thing too.   A distracting jump to a website at this point could kill the sale.

In fact, the QR code is for the data-entry folks at AAA.   When scanned, it identifies me, and all the tracking detail attached to my record.

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Questions are answered. Note the display of contents.

15.   The SUMMARY OF COVERAGE is explicit.  What is attractive on this piece is the table of contents on the front cover.   This is a benefit piece, and again, is described in plain, low energy language.

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Labels. We will never have enough labels, really!

16.    My Thank You Gift.   This is what everyone looks for in the kit.   The unfoldable item.   Here, the gift is a set of address labels.

You know, there is a future for address labels that extends beyond mailing your next bill payment.

Address labels find themselves on everything portable: cell phones, laptops, tablets, phone batteries, cameras, dog collars, staplers, strollers and DVDs.   If it moves and it’s yours, it could use a label.   Warren Buffet may label every freight car of BNSF Rail some day.

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The reply envelope has two perfs. One for tearing, one for folding. Don’t mix them up!

17.   Lastly, a blue reply envelope with motherly reminders to sign and date your application and…AND… to affix your PERSONAL PROCESSING LABEL!

While you may think this is hokey, I bet you a dollar that AAA’s mail box is stuffed with reply envelopes that carry the label, regardless of its seeming irrelevance.   Why?  First, we don’t want to jinx our life karma.  And second, we like to play with sticky things. Honest.

One thing with the reply envelope– I wonder how many get destroyed by confused customers who tear off the wrong perforation.  white_scissors_u2704_icon_256x256A little scissors icon would help.

When reduced to ink on paper, insurance marketing is pretty staid, but consumer friendly.   What it lacks in emotional appeal it makes up in trustworthiness, as this kit demonstrates.   Most important, it didn’t try to sell; it assumed already that I was prepared to apply.

And that’s why it works.

 

Thanks for taking the time to get to here.   Please pass this along to your direct mail friends.  Thanks!

 

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direct mail, Economics, Environment

Zapped: How Your Utility Saves Energy

ComEd 2014 -06 273 doubleCommonwealth Edison is craftier than you might think, compared to the traditional image of the big, dumb, power company.

We are used to receiving their monthly ransom note.   It is comprehensive in detail, reducing our extravagant lifestyle to bar charts that rise and fall with every change in the weather.  But beyond the normal appeal for money, we now receive a separate Home Energy Report.

The statement has no billing or stern demands.   Instead, it reports how your household is doing compared to the neighbors.   ComEd 2014 -06 barsThat’s right, compared to the igloo on your left whose roof is sooted with burnt whale oil.  Or to the right, your very private neighbor who has lights blazing in the basement, around the clock.

ComEd 2014 -06 270 SmileyOur report gave us a couple of smiley faces.    In the energy world, happiness is about abstinence, and we have aced, barely on the grid at all.

The report said in essence: “Compared to 100 close-by neighbors you are living the life of Scrooge in the dark; you must be cold at night, and survive on canned food and powdered eggs, since you don’t have a fridge, let alone AC.   P.S. Have a nice day.”

Careful review of this colorful, and highly personalized report reveals that the news comes from a company called Opower.

Not to be mistaken for, or associated with a day-time talk show queen, Opower serves some 93 utility companies across the U.S., Canada and globally.   It ingests and assembles all energy usage information to create report cards for over 32 million households.

ComEd 2014 -06 270LinesAt first, this looks like an unnecessary expense, adding to our monthly bill.  It turns out however, that peer pressure is a powerful motivator.   Opower’s reporting service has reduced electrical energy usage by 4 billion kilowatt-hours since inception.     That is roughly one-third of your average nuclear power plant’s yearly production.

So why does Com Ed benefit from cutting output?   ComEd 2014 -06 SavingsAnd why spend extra money generating reports to reduce utility billings?  Because building new plants to meet energy demand is very, very expensive, and guess who is paying for them– us.   It further turns out that Com Ed’s customer satisfaction rates have bumped up since the reports started.   Consumers are educated and empowered (haha).

The darker side of the energy reports is the growing suspicion about our 100 neighbors.   I think they are having more fun.

 

If you enjoyed this, or know someone who would, be sociable, share!  Thanks for reading.

 

 

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Marketing

Bridget, Goodbye

“Hello, this is Bridget.   This is an urgent call about your credit card account….”

Perhaps you’ve had the experience at least once in your life of blowing somebody off, sending them packing, ever so gently, but resolutely, with a well-rehearsed sayonara.

The Library of Congress has a whole wing devoted to archiving songs and scenes written about the countless techniques and art of saying goodbye.    Bogie melts the runway around Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca.   Arnold blasts away the T1000 in Terminator 2. Simon & Garfunkel raise the ante with “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover”.  The group Train meets that bet with a creative assembly of exits in “50 Ways To Say Goodbye”.

I am happy to reveal #51–  “Press 3”.

This is the specific and business-like instruction I received from Bridget, who has been throwing herself at me for an interminable period.

On the phone, poor girl– she was only trying to alert me about my credit card, urgently, mind you, that there was no emergency, but that I should speak with her immediately about my interest rates.  She did warn that it was my last chance to get in contact.   I could do that by Pressing “1”.

Through years of comprehensive training as a sales professional, I have always practiced the rule after a closing statement, “the first person to speak, loses.”    So, I clammed up.

regretAnd then Bridget caved: “To no longer receive these calls, press 3.”

Bam!

Just like that, I pounded the 3 button on our receiver, possibly pushing it so far up the line it would pop in Bridget’s ear somewhere in a basement call center in Atlanta.

In my mind’s eye, I saw her wince, blown out of her chair, frantically tearing off the headphone and ear piece.    Supervisors run over to pick her up, gaping at the smoking embers of telecommunications technology as it burns a hole in the carpet.

In the conning tower at the back of the darkened telemarketing center, controllers stare at their screens as the disconnect hits.   Lights dim only for an instant before the backup generators kick in.    Everyone is calm on the mezzanine level.   Down below, hundreds of units continue their work in the dimly lit, air-conditioned office cavern, oblivious.

Controller:   (Bbrzztchzt)  “Ray?  Unit 56 got a 3, Ray.   Can you fix it?”

Ray:  “Got it, C.   Looking it over now.  We’ll be up in a jif.”

Controller:  (Bbrrxwxschh)  “Tell me what you find.   We have a pool running up here.”

Ray:   “C, looks like 56 needs a trip to the shop.  It’s got a fingerprint etched right into its diagnostic display.”

Controller:   (Bbrrtyffszt)  “Hah!  ‘Like I figured.   That totals 235 today, my magic number.  It’s pay-up time everybody!”

Ray:   “C, you want I should shut this booth down?”

Controller:  (Bbrssttadx)   “No way.  Let’s double down, Ray.  Plug in 37, and boot her up.”

Ray:   “Got it.  I am powering it up now.”

The vast room’s gentle murmur resumes among the darkened honeycombs as Ray extinguishes his flashlight and follows the maze of hallways back to the control tower.

Unit 37 digs in for the night.

“Hello, this is Carmen.  This is an urgent call about your credit card account….”

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Environment

Concrete Distraction

On a summer trek to the woods of Northern Ontario, motoring up Highway 11, over the precambrian granite shield, we can sense how long the winters drag on.   Just look at the flood of crafts and doodads for sale in the front yards of those determined  households which are buried in the snow and dark for 6 months.

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A long winter’s creation, courtesy The Dreamer’s Woods, LLC.

But having an entertaining hobby is the first defense against going crazy and running out on the ice naked in February.  Maybe January.   Ask the locals.

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For sitting and thinking. ~ The Dreamer’s Woods, LLC.

From the first snowflake in October, to the last icicle dropping from the roof in May, hands and minds are busy sawing, cutting, weaving, hammering, gluing through the night, and day, building up an inventory of items for passers-by to snap up in July.   And there they are: windmills, concrete statuary, chain-saw-sculpted grizzly bears, log benches, gnomes, rockers, adirondack chairs, silhouettes, trellises, all for sale.

A fish hawk's cozy cabin overlooking the trout pond.

A fish hawk’s cozy cabin overlooking the trout pond.

We passed a front yard covered in aviary merchandise under a sign that read: “Bird Bath and Beyond”.  Envision an over-crowded trailer park for birds, and you get the picture.   Further imagine that this yard has a border collie just to steer off the spring flocks looking for a place to nest.

Of course, there is great satisfaction in building clever objects out of native materials.    And you don’t have to live in the sub-arctic to take on an insanity-diverting hobby.

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Instant fossils. Good for a 1,000 years.

With that in mind, I am sharing with you my afternoon’s delight in making garden stepping stones.

If you want an inviting pathway through your garden, these concrete leaves are a sure thing.   What’s more, they are uniquely shaped, easy to make, and cost about a dollar each.

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The infamous burdock. Thistles only a goat could love.

The primary design is the leaf off of a burdock weed.    You see these bushy plants everywhere, and they are best known, and disliked, for their insidious burrs which sprout in the fall, usually ending up embedded in your kid’s sweater.   But catch them in early June, and you have a design source for your stepping stones.

Get a 50# bag of ready-mixed concrete.  It costs about $8.00.   Find a flat surface, about as big as the kitchen table.  Avoid doing this inside your home, unless you lay down a shower curtain or drop sheet first.   Don’t choose the kitchen table.   You need a garden trowel.   And a bucket to mix the concrete.  Maybe a wheelbarrow.   Do not consider a child’s swimming pool.

 

Burdock leaves-- the bigger the better.

Burdock leaves– the bigger the better.

Obtain about 7-8 burdock leaves. Big ones. Lay them on the flat surface, vein side up, topside down.    Spray a little PAM on them.  Mix up the concrete, and when it is a heavy mush, ladle it onto the leaves, about 1-1/2″ thick.   Smear the concrete towards the edges with the trowel, maintaining the thickness.  Follow the shape of the leaf.  Use the trowel to clean up the edges so that they are smooth, with no gravel blobbing out.  Let the concrete set over night.   Sprinkle water on it the next day to help it harden.

The fun part: patty cakes that won't spoil.

The fun part: patty cakes that won’t spoil.

96 hours will deliver indestructible concrete that would support your neighbor’s pet holstein grazing on your petunias.

When the concrete is cured, lift up the stone, and peel off the leaf.   Voila!   Stepping stone!

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Once cured, these steps are your pathway.

And by the way, you now have a new trade, and are ready to live in the  snowy dark for 6 months of the year.

 

 

 

Thanks to Mary Shelley who started me on this, long ago.  Feel free to share!

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direct mail, Economics, Marketing

Just Like Money

<<Spoiler Alert: The incredible reason why retailers flood our pockets with cash every day.>>

Mailbox Money

The mailbox delivers the green– for consumer and marketer alike.

We are having an outrageously good time with store coupons.  As we exit the mall, it takes a 50-pound anchor tied to our belts to stop us from running frantically, eyes over our shoulders, across the parking lot to our get away car.

Why?

Kohl’s, one of America’s most renowned stores, mails us $10 cash coupons with no strings attached.  “Just spend it!”

Hunh? 

"Here's a discount card, no wait, here's TWO discount cards!  Go shop!"

“Here’s a discount card, no wait, here’s TWO discount cards! Go shop!”

Carter’s throws in a 20% discount for a $40 purchase.  And another– 15% off everything, period.

Bed Bath & Beyond churns out $5 coupons faster than the U.S. Treasury, which is saying something.

Ulta hands us $3.50 just to spend $10.   We have enough conditioner for the entire cast of Muppet Movie 3.

BBBY coupons come so quickly we bale them.

BBBY coupons come so quickly we have to bale them.

For some, coupons are clutter in the mailbox.  For many, they reveal how weak we really are.  Despite our supposed disdain for direct mail, we read each coupon carefully…. and then sneak into the store late Sunday night with a fistful, and a bag over our head.

holeinpocket

‘Just can’t spend the coupon fast enough.

At our house, coupons are incendiary devices, capable of exploding into flames when placed in the pocket.

For instance, I am mailed a $5.00 rebate card from ACE Hardware.   The card sits between the salt and pepper shakers, Tasering me to rise from my chair, go to ACE and buy something, even a bag of sheep manure, just to use the money.

ace manure

Buy something— anything!

My wife is a coupon maven.  She gets the deal, but escapes the accompanying load-up the marketer hoped for.

For instance, that $10 cash gift from Kohl’s?   She tenders it, usually on a $20 item marked down to $10.00.  “Look honey:” she beams, “7 pairs of  underwear, for nothing!”   Totally void of guilt.   Butter would not melt in her mouth.

So how does the retailer really fare with these incredible deals?

Not bad, if you look at the right numbers.

CouponCabin.com does an excellent job of capturing all the publicized deals of a retailer.   It spins them back to any shopper savvy enough to ask for them online.   The company regularly totals results, and in the case of Kohl’s, reports the average shopping cart is $66.43 before $18.04 in coupon savings.  A 22% discount.    That’s a promotional cost, and it comes out of gross profit.

"Take this money, please!"

“Take this money, please!”

January 2014 Kohl’s gross profit margin was 36.49%….. 7 and 11 points better than Target and Walmart respectively.

Kohl’s cost of goods (COGS) was 63.51%.

So are the Kohl’s people nuts, or is this normal business to throw gobs of money out the window?

It boils down to how much Kohl’s will pay to get an extra visitor into the store.

Bottom line: a profit with every sale.

Bottom line: a profit with every sale.

Say they mailed a 1,000,000 coupons, and 15% were redeemed.   150,000 purchases!   But set aside 30,000 purchases for those folks who would have bought the items anyway.   So the mailing generated 120,000 additional transactions, each with a shopping cart of $66.43.  That’s $7,971,600 in extra sales.   But the 22% discount takes away $2,164,800.  And subtract the mailing cost of $320,000.   Kohl’s is left with $5,486,800 cash to pay for the goods sold: $5,062,763 ($7,971,600 x 63.51% COGS).

Bottom line, Kohl’s promotion cost $2,484,800  and delivered $424,037 in extra profit. That is a 17.1% ROI.  Not bad.  You can’t run your whole business that way, but to generate extra sales and margin, still a pretty good day.

And here’s another perspective: the promotion delivered 120,000 extra store visits at a cost of $20.71 each.  And because the gross margin on each cart was $24.24 ($66.43 x 36.49%), Kohl’s did better than break even.

So that is why you find oodles of deals in your mailbox every week.   They work!

Boots

“Buy one, get one free!”

And my bottom line? I am looking for a deal on rubber boots.  To spread the sheep stuff.

 

If you got this far, I hope you took in all the math.  As with all retailers, these are big, scary numbers.   But well targeted direct mail makes them work.   Please share this article if you liked it!  Thanks.

 

 

 

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childhood, Culture, Sports

For All The Marbles

There was a time when a young boy’s wealth was measured in marbles.   In my hometown, Delhi, Ontario, any 8- to 10-year-old was appointed rank according to how low his pants sagged after a lucky run at the alley pots in our school yard.

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Wealthy beginnings.

We called these beautiful pieces of glass “allies”, and we played on a hard-packed stretch of topsoil just east of the bike racks under a young oak tree.  Alley season started in late April, as soon as the ground dried up from winter, and lasted until school adjourned, end of June.

The alley “pots” peppered a 50-foot square of packed dirt, which looked like a miniature minefield pocked with tiny craters, and not one blade of grass in sight.   The dirt patch was as noisy and busy as any Vegas casino, with players hustling any comer when a pot freed up for a game.   Pint-sized spectators crowded the action like gamblers around a craps table.

The pot was a significant diversion from tradition.   Generally people describe “marbles” as a ring drawn in the dirt or pavement, and a bunch of marbles inside the ring.   Two players would flick marbles at the inner circle, claiming any they knocked out of the ring.  Like dodgeball.

Our game was a more like golf.   The pot was dug into the dirt.   Kids would rotate about ten times on their heel, and form a 4-inch- deep pot that measured about 6 inches across.     Do NOT try this at the golf course.   The pot was the target, and also held the stakes–a heap of 10, 20, 40, maybe a 100 marbles.   Each player would keep one marble out for play.    Stepping about ten feet back from the pot, they dropped their marble, and would alternately inch the marbles towards the pot, usually with their foot.

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Big stakes for the winner of the pot.

The moment of truth occurred when a player felt they could sink one of the marbles into the pot.   Crouching down on one knee, they pushed the marble with a curled forefinger.   Much like golf putting without the fancy shoes.  Or billiards, with no cue.  Or like curling, without the 40-pound rock.

That decisive shot may have been 5 feet away, or perhaps only 12 inches, depending upon the smoothness of the path, the break, and the depth, width and contents of the pot.  If the marble dropped, the player had another turn with the remaining marble.   He might inch that one along, or, take the long shot.   If it sank, he won the pot.   If he missed, then the next turn went back to the other player, who probably would sink it.

With that, fortunes were won and lost every minute with a chorus of cheers and groans around the alley pots.

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A “starry boulder” with three small friends.

And fortunes they were. The Chainway sold “starries”, 30 for a dime.   The starry was a half inch in diameter, and had a twirly colored pigment frozen into the center of the marble.   If you had the money, you might pick up a bag of starry “boulders”.   These were nearly an inch in diameter and went 6 for a quarter.  Pricey, but in the school yard, they traded around 10:1 against the smaller marble so there was room for arbitrage among the quicker thinking players in the yard.

Possessing a fortune in marbles was risky, too.

According to their job description, grade school teachers are hired to confiscate marbles.  In class, the sound of a vagrant marble clattering among the chair legs on a hardwood floor felt like money falling down a grate.

Aggies were the antiques of marbles.

“Aggies” were the antiques of marbles.

Logging the misdemeanor, the teacher would demand the marble be retrieved and placed in a mason jar on the corner of their desk.   You could buy them back, 3 for a penny, proceeds to the Red Cross.

This was a tension-filled time for big winners, whose loaded pockets would bulge like mumps.   Gingerly sitting down with the grace of a hemmorhoidal sufferer, the trick was to keep the pockets vertical to the fall line, and packed tight.

Kids with zippered cargo pants could plop, heavily laden, into their chair with impunity, but if they didn’t wear belts, they ran the risk of mooning the class which was a major felony.

A super boulder aggie, bigger than a quarter.

A super boulder aggie, bigger than a quarter.

Of all my childhood past times, allies made the deepest imprint.   In 5th and 6th grade, I played with stakes from one to twenty marbles, and had won pots as high as 400.

But I have lost 400 too, which twisted the sharp blade of experience, let me tell you.   So much so, that I cannot pass a marble display in a toy store today without picking up a bag or two.   Now, a marble costs about 10-cents each, a 3,000 % inflationary effect.

Do you know some popular brands of liquor use small marbles in the bottle neck to slow the flow?   I cut them out when the bottle’s empty.  So far, I am not buying liquor just to retrieve the marble.  My wife shakes her head, staring at me– a sorry junkie who can’t kick the habit.

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A “purie” boulder and marble. Johnny Walker Double Black provided the tiny one.

I am not sure what to do with my stash: two large Crown Royal bags.   While I want to give them to my grand kids, I have this shameful, miserly greed that won’t let them go.  Remember in “Ghost” when Whoopy Goldberg won’t let go of the $4,000,000 check?  It’s like that.    I am afraid they’ll end up at the bottom of a fish tank.   Or worse, inside a flower pot anchoring a bunch of tulips.  It would be okay if they were displayed in a glass table, maybe.

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The alley bag of choice.

But what I wouldn’t give to take the whole lot of them to a school yard next week and find a buzzing, hard-packed dirt casino, under the shade of an oak, churning with the yell of young risk takers, digging holes for a new game.

 

 

 

Thanks for sticking with me as I try to control this habit of mine.  I just can’t shake it.  If you “like”, say so, and please share or follow!

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At the end of a long successful day.

 

 

 

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direct mail, Marketing

Mayo Clinic: Right On The Money

Smart, effective direct mail design comes from experience, and some times a lot of guts.    The Mayo Clinic Health Letter subscription kit is a classic example.   This masterpiece came to my mail box last month, and while the design may shake you, the numbers will knock you out.   Here’s why:

A Whopping Big Envelope

This one measures 10 x 14 inches.  Really??  Yes.   Why send a little #9 package when

Mayo OE

The envelope becomes the carrier for all the other letters delivered that day.

you can bury the mail carrier with a doormat?   To reinforce the mailing’s impact, the paper stock is nearly cardboard–you could chip a tooth on it–and it’s printed to look like kraft paper.

Creating the kraft look is just the beginning though. The address label is not real, but it is varnished to look like it, and as a special touch, this mass-produced kit has a postage meter label, except–that’s printed too.  The overall presentation says to the reader: “you need to open this now”.

My immediate reaction is:

1.   The Mayo accountants are taking blood pressure tests on both arms in the cafeteria, jabbing at their adding machines, looking for answers.

2.   USPS Postmaster Donahoe is toting up his winnings on this over-sized Flat mail piece.

Long On Words

The extravagance continues inside.   I ripped open the zipper on the envelope to pull out the letter. 8 pages!   That’s four, 8-1/2 by 12-inch

The letter: a lifetime of Tweets.

The letter: a lifetime of Tweets.

sheets, printed front and back.  For you attention-deficient followers, that’s about 198 Tweets.   The CFO is banging out numbers to see how much waste was incurred by using 16-point type instead of 10-point.    Not to mention typing the letter on lined pages!

Nobody reads letters.  Well just about nobody.  Right?

Canary Yellow Reply Envelope

Subtlety doesn’t work in direct mail, even for Mayo.   We can’t just hide stuff in white reply envelopes when we can tell the world we probably have an urgent itch in a better-left-unmentionable place.   So there it is– a large bangtail order form I send back in this shout-it-out yellow BRE.

Yellow BREs never get mislaid.

Yellow BREs never get mislaid. And they get action, too.

 

Stickers-just to keep it tactile.

Stickers-just to keep it tactile.

Stickers!

The ad agency downtown would never place a sticky label in a mail piece.   How corny.   Yet Mayo does this prominently and proudly, knowing that we can’t resist the temptation.  Does anyone really need to peel a “trial issue” label and stick it on the order form?   Of course we do.  There’s a sense of decisiveness and approval connected to the action, just like updating your car plate ever year.

It’s All About Me

What is irritatingly attractive is Mayo’s continual pandering to my ego.   They have hijacked my name.  Of course, they have it on the envelope, but it’s also on the letter.   And at the top of the letter is a handwritten note addressed to me.   Wow!

The P.S.--after 8 pages, there's still more to say!

The P.S.–even after 8 pages, there’s still more to say!

Again on page 8, up to which, yes, I read, there’s a P.S.  Also written to me.

As expected, the order form has my name, but they slapped it on the flaming yellow BRE just for good measure.

The Story Continues

To dispel any last doubts about the Mayo brothers, they have also included a brochure on the Mayo Clinic just in case I had been hiding in a duck blind too long.   Plus a Post-It note stuck onto the letter quoting readers who bragged about how the newsletter fixed their swollen joints, their riled digestion and unbending digits.

The family story fills in the cracks.

The family story fills in the cracks.

It’s About Making The Numbers

Any cognoscente in the advertising world would roll their eyes at this piece and grab another canapé off the awards dinner banquet table.   Mayo is not going to win a trophy any time soon.

That is because they are too busy depositing checks at the bank.    This package works because it takes enormous advantage of our curiosity.   If you are in the right demographic, you can’t ignore it.

Here are the numbers as I see them.  I have not confirmed with Mayo, but then again, they didn’t ask me either.

It's going to run into money!

It’s going to run into money!

List and production costs have to be at least $350/m. Postage for this Flat, $200/m.   This could be a 55-cent package, all-in.   By the way, while you thought the accountants might have been turning into jelly at that number, it is more likely they are quietly smiling while they top up the USPS Caps account.

Now, response rates.   1% is pretty much the norm, but this gargantuan kit, which includes a gift, could pull a 2% response, which again, I have not confirmed with Mayo.   At 2%, a 55-cent kit delivers a $27.50 acquisition cost. ($0.55/2% = $27.50).  Large, but actually about half of what any credit card sub would cost.   In any event, they wouldn’t do it if it didn’t work.

The Final Number

Medicine aside, Mayo still needs to return a positive cash flow, a.k.a. profit.   An annual subscription to this newsletter is basically $32.00.  Assuming a contribution of $8.00 per sub, Mayo needs to keep the average reader for 3-1/2 years to pay back the $27.50 acquisition cost.

But maybe not.  Because while these 50-year to 80-year-olds, approximately 500,000 of them, are perusing their newsletter, they are also biting on additional offers for Mayo’s entire library of publications. Enough to fill all the waiting rooms in Fort Myers, Miami and Scottsdale for years.

Even if the Mayo Clinic Health Letter program only breaks even, it is the gateway to a flood of peripheral revenues.

Mastering a standout program like the Mayo Clinic Health Letter didn’t happen over night.   These savvy marketers have tested into the present format.   In fact, it could be a test too.

But the numbers are still rewarding, if formidable.  And that’s where the guts come in.

 

 

Thanks for reading along on this.  Please let me know you liked it.  And share, too!

 

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Environment

Signs of Spring

RNWR_red-winged_blackbird_01-06-09We have all had enough of winter.  By the way, the “winter from hell” is an oxymoron at best.  This winter is straight from our polar vortex, which we should not confuse with our solar plexus, and other such constellations.

Anyway.

I know for sure that Spring is coming.   It first teased us when we saw the high afternoon sun, glinting off a trickle of melted ice in the gutter by our driveway.   I know Spring is not far off because stepping out of a restaurant in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin this weekend, I caught a warm blush of west wind pushing through the parking lot.   IMG_6888And with it came the subtle, sweet bouquet of a farmer’s work recently done, spreading a fresh batch of manure on his field, maybe 4 or 5 miles away.

Driving along a backroad through the country there was a torrent of snowmelt running down the ditch beside us.  Two boys, not more than 10 years old, were in their boots, up to their ankles, coaxing a small plastic boat over a waterfall and into the next pool below.

That was yesterday.

Today I know that Spring is coming because of a flock of robins perched on every branch of our crab apple tree, plumped up in the 20-degree weather, breasts to the sun, squinting out across the yard, looking for anything edible as the snow recedes from the lawn.

And that lawn?   I haven’t seen it since Thanksgiving.   It is brown, and matted down, and I will have to get it aerated for sure.  Time to pull out that direct mail piece from Spring Green, and get my discount order in.

It is surely Spring because we bought two packs of flower seeds: morning glories and butterfly catchers.

Trellis.1Tomorrow I will head back to Lake Geneva and buy a trellis to frame up our clematis.   This vine is a robust flowering cornucopia, and has a couple hundred stems shooting out of the ground.   They are brown and dead right now, but like a true perennial it will sneak up on me one day, and explode with a hundred more shoots.  The trellis will be in place in time.   By July there will be a thousand purple and magenta flowers hanging off that ironwork.

I put a roof rack on the station wagon to bring home another trellis.   This will be a longer, wider one that supports the morning glories.   IMG_5792Last summer they burst into a flood of brilliant blues, purples and pinks, like a daily chorus of trumpets that attracted all manner of birds and bees to their place on the back fence.  This year will be even more spectacular with the new frame.

I know it’s Spring because I filed my Federal taxes.   You know, I love getting a refund.  taxes-412-274I never begrudge sending a printed return to some PO Box in California.  While e-filing may be more efficient, it also opens the door to audits.   My philosophy is to bury ’em in paper right off the bat.  So I did, with 1.38 pounds of it.  Enjoy the read!

Spring is coming because the trees sense it.   The maple across the road has a vague rust hue on its topmost branches.   The willows along the highway have brightened their cold branches to a warm yellow.

Most significant, a few hours ago I was standing on the deck out back, and overhead I heard a red-winged black bird trill out a call to the frozen marsh behind our house.    Even though the robins got together earlier, that may have been to vote in a new leader after the current one convinced them to stay all winter.

But when the black bird piped up, I knew Spring will be close behind.

Hope you are seeing the signs too!    Thanks for reading.  Be sociable, share below!

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