Across The Routed Plain

There is a page on the USPS website which was written to boggle the mind.

It is a story worthy of the read for anyone who views the postal system as a fading presence.

While you have to dig a little, and do your own math, you can learn something fascinating about the real meaning of “ubiquity” and “omnipresence”.

It turns out that America has a network of 4,100,000 miles of roads. From two-rut country lanes to 16-lane raceways. Like a fine mesh of nerves stretching across the continent, the road leads up to the doorsteps of 154,000,000 US mail boxes. Quite incredibly, the USPS drives vehicles along 3,834,000 miles of this road system, six days a week.

This would not seem such a big deal if it wasn’t for the presumption that we are all connected inexorably by the Web.

Truly, the Web has done its best to increase our knowledge about more people than we could ever achieve otherwise, without really coming to know them at all.

Enter the the USPS.

This quasi-Federal organization shows up in person every day to see us. For the working masses, the visit occurred while we were somewhere else, doing our job. For the very young, the out-of-work, for the retired, and home keepers, it’s likely we saw the truck pause in front of our home, or heard a plop and clunk at the front door as a postal person marched across the yard.

The point in all of this is that we are connected by a single, reliable entity that physically bears witness to the daily lives of the country’s people. Present and accounted for.

To fill this in a bit, the post office drew over 244,000 separate routes on a map to come see us, and ostensibly sent over 211,000 couriers out to make the call, judging by the number of vehicles in use.

Just for comparison, Google has 54,000 employees, and apart from their roving camera cars, most probably haven’t left the office. Yet they would make the claim they know all about you.

The USPS web page is a column of statistics that may astound you, and then again maybe not. What is riveting nonetheless, is their final, bold statistic– “$0: tax dollars received for operating the postal service”.

Give it a read!

Thanks for reading! I have no affiliation with the USPS, but do value their work and worth. Compared to a lot of government agencies, this one actually gets the job done.

direct mail, Marketing, Media, Thank You

Why Hard Copy Matters

From the time that they could open mail, I have written notes and cards to our grand children.

The goal was to accustom them to the excitement and anticipation that accompanies a successful trip to the mail box.

A real letter will always prevail over an electronic communication with the same content.

Like a personal gift, it eclipses any email.

Granted, the mail box delivers direct mail too, and some may object. But compare a couple letters, catalogs and cards a day versus an earful of robo calls, or endless repeat ads on TV, and nervous, persistent popups on your favorite website, and you are prepared to give the mail man, or mail lady, a pass.

In the social media arena, the email medium has a dark side, which I blundered into this week.

It started when scanning my email folders, I found that I had collected some spam. I opened the “junk” folder to find a stern notice summoning me to a court hearing next week.

The subject line was ominous: County Court Summons.

Hunh?

Like a total rube, I opened the email for details. It announced that I had been summoned by a named county court officer to appear March 25. I was advised that in my absence, the court would proceed with actions as described in the official court document attached.

“Gawrsh, holy moley,'” I said under my breath, “I better open this file, pronto!”

Uh-Oh.

When I did, the computer screen flooded with a thousand lines of code. More characters than a kanji encyclopedia scrolled before my bedazzled eyes.

In a panic, I punched keys left and right, closing the file, and dove under the desk for the power cord, to rip the laptop off the grid.

Pointless of course.

Returning to the spam folder, I found another foreboding greeting, this one from E-Z-Pass toll collections warning me to pay off past due charges immediately.

Much wiser now, I did not open the Official Billing Notice attached.

I had been duped by the brusk, official look of the email, and should have recognized the ruse immediately.

Email builds its own insensitivities. We are more disposed to ignore it, or save it never to read later. It’s a casual, low calorie communication.

Conversely, without thinking, we may dive right in like I did, and open it, only to poke a bees’ nest.

The real deal: Federal property carrying real value.

Regular postal mail requires much more attention, both by the writer, and the receiver. The fact that postal mail is a Federal government enterprise, armed with regs that have brought many a crook to jail, gives me great comfort.

Esthetically, there is enormous value in every personal letter, because it’s a perfect indicator of care, concern and thoughtfulness.

We feel good opening a letter, and just as good writing them.

So I continue my efforts on peppering the grandkids with real letter mail, printed on paper, much in the tradition of my own grand parents, hoping that one day, they will get the bug.

It’s slower, physical, and more thoughtful.

And who knows, maybe just one day, what goes around will come around.

Marketing, Media, Politics, Sports

We’ll Never Hear About Those Balls

Hypertense?

January 18, 2015 the Indianapolis Colts had their hats handed to them by the over-ripe New England Patriots. Moments later the incredible tale of the deflated game balls levitated the media for two weeks until the Super Bowl eve.

“Quickly Roger! The game is afoot!”

By then, suspicions were suspended long enough for the NFL to crown Tom Brady, dispense Rings, get Bill Belichick a new hoody, rush Roger Goodell back to his limo, hustle Katy Perry and her Sharks back into her bus, pack Lenny Cravitz into his box, and to astutely hire Ted Wells, locker room attorney, to chase down every possible lead to get to the bottom of this horrifyingly regrettable schmozzle, and effectively bring a calm rational end to the controversy that has rocked the very foundations of the NFL.

In other words, kill it.

Mr. Wells however has been diligent, and we have been able to get an inside look at his case book. Dates are omitted, but you can follow the subject line pretty well:

Volume X Temperature = Pressure

~ Pigskin or Naugahyde? …. Steer hide! Who knew?

~ Cage free steers… more relaxed?

~ Check laces. Proper bow?

~ Left handed or right handed balls?

~ “Let it Go”… Roger singing this…why?

~ Bratwurst steamer in locker room. Why?

“I had trouble getting these in so I bled them off a bit…”

~ BP station in Glendale. Check pumps.

~ Gluten free steers… more relaxed?

~ State Farm “Pump You Up” commercial. Code? What’s with Aaron Rodgers?

~ Belichick… Ideal Gas Law?? Physics degree??

~ Mythbusters test lab– put in call

~ Mental state of footballs?

~ Presidential PAC for Roger. Too much?

“Yunno what we need to try next?”

~ Get plane tickets, sunscreen

~ Set up out-of-office voice mail

~ Empty shredder

The report may come out soon, but it will be as light as the victimized footballs. The next time we hear about the infamous footballs will be on Cold Case, or on Discovery Channel’s expose on Stonehenge. Stay tuned!

Media, Politics, Sports

Complicated Is Right

Will Estes and Tom Selleck tackle a dilemma.

Our favorite TV police commissioner is Frank Reagan (Tom Selleck, Blue Bloods, CBS) who presents at least one pithy moral judgement at the Reagan family dinner table on Sundays. Lately, he said: “Doing the right thing may be hard, but it’s not complicated.”

So it probably was hard, and not complicated for NBC to say ‘anchors away’ to Brian Williams, who will go without work or pay for 6 months.

As a loyal fan of the NBC News show, I will miss Mr. Williams, but at the same time, the quick action of his management will save his reputation for another day. (It begs the question, when he returns in August, will he have a weathered tan, beard and shaggy hair, shod in Birkenstocks?)

This week the American audience had another cold shower when the International Little League stripped the Jackie Robinson West baseball team of their 2014 U.S. Championship title.

The flames haven’t quite burnt out in this issue, as a legal suit is now underway against the League contesting the decision. But there might be kudos for the individual or group who made the vacating decision. We’ll wait to see.

In these two instances however, one must respect the gumption of the decision makers, to essentially throw away the enormous investment of public goodwill and the positive momentum directed at both Williams and the Little Leaguers during their respective arcs.

The Jackie Robinson West team, reputedly disadvantaged Chicago south siders, practiced and played their way to the top of the heap, a great story. Brian Williams, hardly disadvantaged, but still trusted and loved as America’s #1 rated news anchor… could he just be a celebrity entertainer after all?

These are huge disappointments. But due to some tough decisions, the integrity of the Little League, and of the NBC News can be preserved. There won’t be any nagging thoughts and “yeah-buts” in the future.

Which raises another troubling question: what about those deflated footballs?

Is it possible that the NFL will escape the painful compression point of making a decision some day? Does the investigation, effectively in place since January 22, continue long enough that the public loses interest as MLB Spring Training hovers on the horizon?

It must be tough in NFL headquarters, especially when the public saw one of the best games ever, with impossible catches, Tom Brady with his 4th Super Bowl ring, Katy Perry and her sharks, and the incomprehensible Lenny Kravitz dazzling us at half time.

Against that euphoric background, and pumped up with countless $4.5 million ad spots, it will be very, very hard for the NFL to stick a pin in the balloon if the investigation turns up any factual details of malfeasance.

In the mean time, we’ll coast through to the next Super Bowl, but always with a nagging thought, a “yeah-but” on our conscience.

Which brings me back to another observation that Frank Reagan tells his family a week later at the table: “Doing the right thing is easy. Deciding what is right is hard.”

Just my point of view obviously, but tell me if you have another perspective I didn’t consider. Thanks for reading!

Marketing, Media, Music

Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Ugh.

There is a disturbing movement sweeping the air waves. You may have just heard it in the background one day, the cheerful, melodic moan of a faceless, happy chorus singing “oh-oh-oh-oh-oh”.

I missed the first occurrence: Philip Phillips delivering his blockbuster “Home”

with a long, triumphant chorus of “oh’s”. But I did catch it when American Family Insurance adopted his tune, sung by what seemed the entire Morman Tabernacle Choir to drill the melody into my insurance-saturated brain.

Fine. Phillips and AFI hit it off.

But now the oh-ohs are a virus, spreading across the music stage, and frankly, few performers get it right. Nevertheless, they include their attempt at oh-oh, because the recording studio asked for it.

” ‘Oh’– a catchy phrase, with infinite potential.”

Or it could be that the writers’ union has gone on strike. No more chorus lyrics!

And if it’s selling music, it must be selling burgers, phones and cars, too. Just ask McDonalds, T-Mobil and Nissan. They all have their own oh-oh theme right now.

“Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh–once again, with feeling!”

Looking for the source of this mono-syllabic drone, one could guess that it was the Atlanta Braves fan club that mass marketed oh-oh with their jubilant “Tomahawk Chop” song.

Any pitcher-batter contest was unnervingly accompanied by the 6-tone refrain, delivered by 40,000 spectators motioning like one-armed bandits in a therapy session.

“Just the sound of it makes one salivate.”

Still, it could also be a tip of the hat to the feline chorus that gave us the MeowMix anthem. This little ditty has soothed and inspired us for over 30 years. Let’s hum a few bars.

“On the downbeat, gents!”

Digging deeper into the past, it could be the hearty and beloved rowing songs that floated up from below the salty decks of huge Roman galleys charging toward some hapless fishing dinghy in the ancient Mediterranean. “All together now, lads! Oh-oh-oh……. crunch.”

“Now I know what they meant by ‘chorus line’!”

Still, oh-oh’s roots could hark back even earlier to the carefree days of the Egyptians, toiling together, sliding 20-ton obelisks across films of hot bull fat with the help of a team of 200 melodious Ethiopians, in full harness.

“Now that is a Sphinx! Let’s give a hearty rendition of Oh!”

My hunch is that oh-oh will eventually go away, when the human ear finally grows flaps, or the alphabet is re-written, eliminating “o”.

Mean time, I am playing nothing but Bobby Ridell and Beach Boys. They were into “oo”.

Thanks for reading along! Feel free to comment.

I hope you don’t have trouble sleeping as oh-oh runs around in your head all night!

direct mail, Economics, Media, Politics

Found: The Hidden Miracle in the USPS

Spoiler Alert: This Is A Good Story About Numbers
Every year the media touts the headline that the United States Postal Service lost another few billion dollars. Politicians get huffy. The digerati are quick to call the funeral home.

But in fact, the USPS has accomplished an amazing business coup in its mail delivery management.

First, look at the current “bad news” available in the latest Revenue, Pieces and Weights report* for USPS full year 2014. Figure 1 gives some highlights.

Fig.1. 2014 revenues were up 0.66% while volume fell 2.06%

Fig.1. 2014 mail revenues were up 0.66% to $49.53B while mail volume fell 2.06% to 151.9B.

Mail volumes decreased from 2013 to 2014. A 2.06% decrease to 151.9 Billion pieces. “Pieces” include letters, parcels, magazines and flats. The shrinkage may be attributed, if you wish, to a blended increase in price (postage) from 32 cents to 33 cents per piece. A 2.77% increase. But it probably has more to do with society’s use of email. We would just as soon email Gran a singing birthday gift card as send her a parcel.

Dig deeper and we find that First Class volume shrank 3.25% while actual revenues increased 0.49%.

Postage per piece went up 2 cents, or 3.87%

What we know about mailing economics is that there is no elasticity. When postage goes up, volume goes down.

This is the fundamental truth of direct mailers. They maximize performance through testing list, offer, format and copy. The best performance becomes the economics benchmark. So when Standard Postage goes up 3.65%, we expect some mail to drop out, which it did: 0.62% less.

Amidst The Bad News, A Twinkling of Brilliance

November 14, the USPS presented its preliminary financial results to the Board of Governors. It declared a $5.5 billion loss in income. That made headlines. What was not picked up however, was its mail operations performance. You see, its operations income was $1.4Billion profit.

What that means is that the USPS moved nearly 152 billion pieces across the country to over 140 million addresses, six days a week, and did better than break even. What was the all-in price per piece to the mailer? 33 cents.

2004 Eye Opener

Now lets look at the real miracle of the USPS by comparing 2014 with 2004.

Ten years ago, it delivered 206 billion pieces for $65.87 billion.

Cost back then? 32 cents each.

Not bad! A one-cent increase in 10 years. Despite a 26% decrease in economies of scale, its performance eroded only by a penny.

Surviving The Ravages of Inflation and Restructuring

This does not begin to recognize the efficiencies the USPS has managed to achieve in the last ten years however. It disregards the massive cutbacks in volume, and the inexorable devaluation of the dollar. Look at the 2004 figures when they are expressed in 2014 dollars. See Figure 2.

Fig.2 Using 2014 dollars it cost 40 cents to a mail a piece in 2004, versus 33 cents today.

According to the US Bureau of Labor, we have experienced a 26% increase in prices. In other words, it takes $1.26 today to purchase what $1.00 would buy in 2004.

Applying the CPI to USPS figures then, we find that in 2004, it cost 40 cents to mail a piece, versus 33 cents today.

Standard Mailers would pay 24 cents in 2004 versus 22 cents today. First Class mailers would pay 47 cents, versus 46 cents today.

Magazines: 30 cents then, 27 cents now.

USPS: Economic Movement of Value

This government agency may have its critics. The oracles may claim that mail is antiquated. But they can hardly explain how well the post office has learned to distribute real property coast to coast at ridiculously low cost to the consumer. Email and Internet may be instantaneous, but they both lack the credibility of hard copy delivered under government seal.

It can be said that mail is slow, but it maintains its cache because it is trusted. We need to acknowledge the effort that the USPS has expended to bring us that service.

*The Revenue Pieces and Weights Report: http://1.usa.gov/1A8wEj1

Media

The Radio Phenomenon: Our Soundtrack

The Country Music Association awards aired this week.

Putting aside the occasional Stetson and raffia straw hat, the confab was verging on a Pop music celebration. “All About The Bass” opened the show, followed shortly by Steven Tyler, Ariana Grande, and closing with The Doobies.

There wasn’t a tractor, dog, train or pickup truck in sight, though Chevy was a prime sponsor.

What was phenomenal, in the true sense of the word, was the repetitive tribute to Radio.

The winners were both exuberant and humbled, and thankful, many to God, but nearly all of them to the radio industry that played their song.

In a world that is held tightly in the clutch of the Web, and Cloud, Radio is the phenomenon to be respected. It hangs on.

A media report reveals that 84% of the 18-64 adult population watches Television over 4 hours a day. In second place, 56% listen to Radio, over 2-1/2 hours a day. The colossus Internet ranks third at 41%, for less than 2 hours a day.**

Somehow, the ancient invention of the 20th century persists to enjoy public subscription despite all the noise to the contrary.

Another report tells us what we could guess, that over 93% of the public listens to Radio. More surprising, only 70% have Broadband Internet.

But here’s the real stunner: Country & New Country music is the #1 most listened-to format on the radio. News and Talk shows rank second. Pop Contemporary comes in third.

At this moment you may be asking yourself, there’s only one Country station where I live..how can it be that popular? As it turns out, the vote is split among 55 radio formats.

You may have already known this, but there is a fine definition between “Hot Adult Contemporary” and “Urban Adult Contemporary”.. quite set apart from 11 categories of Hispanic formats: “Mexican Regional” to “Spanish Sports”.

Someone somewhere is very sensitive about whose group they join.

But a solitary Country holds its ground, with the biggest corral if you will, thereby capturing the single largest audience share.

Which brings us back to Radio. Country stars count on it, and they call it out like an old friend. As do all of us, from the morning wake up call, to the last broadcast we pause to hear before turning off the car’s ignition at the end of our commute.

It succeeds because it offers a reliable sound track to our lives, unlike Internet and TV which are greedy for our sole attention. Admit it– you can’t drive a car and watch football, and you can’t read a blog while mowing the lawn.

Radio is always there, a generous background to our busy day.

Thanks for reading! The reason I enjoy driving is, frankly, so I can listen to the radio!

**The link disconnected. Here is a replacement! http://www.raisingthevolume.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Radio-Usage-Trends.pdf

http://stateofthemedia.org/2012/audio-how-far-will-digital-go/audio-by-the-numbers/

direct mail, Marketing, Media, Sports

How the USGA Got My Attention, Fast.

My walk to the mailbox this morning was rewarded by an irresistible offer from the U.S. Golfing Association. A FREE hat!

How can you say no?

Their generosity gives me hope, too. This may be the re-emergence of the direct mail gift premium.

Once there was a time when any subscription offer came with a free gift. A calculator. A tote bag. We even received a world globe from Macleans Magazine.

A worldly gift with every subscription.

The USGA wants me. They actually want me!

This kit begged to be opened. Not because there was a hat, but because the USGA had enclosed a card. For me. An official USGA card for a horrible axe-wielding duffer who scores a rambunctious 108 on a good day.

My handicap is so far off the chart I get a special space to park the golf cart.

I am keeping this close by until my real card arrives, with my hat.

Nevertheless, I am moved by the card. I want it. Opening the kit, I am further thrilled to see that I can join the USGA and get a FREE USGA Open 2015 hat.

A great slogan. But they don’t know me well.

At this moment, we have approximately 30 hats on the coat rack, all emblazoned with someone else’s logo. I don’t need another hat. But truly, I want this USGA hat.

A compact offer, with color, balance, and readable content.

It’s like they recognize me. And how I have toiled to write “single-bogey” on a par 3.

Economics: Does This Kit Pay For Itself?

All this stuff comes with the hat. How can you decline?

As thrilled as I am, and I am sure countless thousands of other golfers are thrilled at a Free hat offer, will the USGA lose its shirt with this offer?

No way, and here’s why:

All in, the postage and production for this piece was probably 40-cents. Let’s say they mailed 100,000 pieces. That’s $40,000 out of pocket. Now imagine that 2% of the readers sign up. They each pay $10 to join USGA. That’s 2,000 new members, for $20,000.

But the hat probably cost USGA $10, so the USGA ends up with 2,000 new members, each with a new hat. And a $40,000 bill.

Imagine now that the USGA direct marketing manager goes into the president, and says, “Chief, I just got 2,000 new members. They cost us $20 each!”

He replies, “Awesome– because at least 1,000 of these members will renew next year for $25 each. And 50 of these members will come to the Open and drop about $250 a day sipping coolers in the Club at Chambers Bay between strolls along the course to see the pros. We pretty much break even.”

Second Thoughts About The Hat

This microscopic email form has just enough room for “@”.

I have mailed my reply, and am quietly excited about my new hat. And the free golf rules I get, and all the other stuff. But really, it’s the hat.

The thrill of mail order is waiting for the merchandise.

And then I start to think, what happens when I wear this hat? First off, it’s yellow– school bus yellow. So I will be easily identifiable on any golf course, or in any bar, as the duffer who went for the $10 hat.

Some earnest, scratch golfer will ask, “Are you going to the Open in Chambers Bay?”

“No, not really.”

“So why the hat?”

Or some hopeless hacker like myself will see the hat and ask, “Can you help me with my swing?”

“No. I’ll make your helicopter swing look like Blackhawk Down.”

So the hat is on its way, but I am not exactly sure I can wear it.

And that just might be “For the good of the game”.

Thanks for reading. If you are a direct marketer, perhaps you should test out some gift premiums. And make sure you put me on your list.

direct mail, Marketing, Media

Triple-A’s Got You Covered!

An 11×13 kraft envelope. Pricey, but outstanding in the mailbox.

The AAA insurance offer I just received is a classic example of a winning direct mail design, with an important twist: it’s a fulfillment package. By that, I mean that it fulfills my request for a policy.

Only thing is, I didn’t request it.

If you’ve ever been concerned about getting insurance, procrastination is the obstacle. AAA’s direct mail effort overcomes that challenge. Why it works so well is that it presumes I want coverage. Like Radar knowing Col. Blake needs a pen before he asks for it.

I don’t need coverage. But there are a reliable percentage of people out there who really do want insurance, and this optimistic kit sets the table very nicely. Here’s how:

1. Trust: being a AAA member, I trust and use the company for roadside assistance, and a pretty much guaranteed 10% off any hotel bill.

2. The Envelope: unusual, but not weird. It’s big. AAA is paying USPS a significant postage premium for this over-sized envelope, but as in life, size counts. It’s kraft brown paper, portrait orientation, and has a “business forms” look about it with side zipper for opening.

This label sets the agenda: there’s stuff inside, and it’s “yours”.

3. The oversized label announces “HERE IS YOUR NEW POLICY KIT”. Yikes. What’s this?

4. The manifest: the label details five items inside, including a “Summary of Coverage” which one would infer is already in effect. Amongst other things, there is a “Thank You Gift”, again reinforcing the fait accompli.

5. DO NOT BEND: marketers can only say this if there is a legitimately unfoldable item within… like a sterling silver name plate… no, sorry, not really, but it does raise our hopes.

“OFFICIAL ELIGIBILITY” is good enough. The zip strip advises to fold and tear off…as if we needed help.

6. An OFFICIAL ELIGIBILITY LETTER: sounds a little pretentious. I would have dropped “LETTER”. But the title is followed by some computer-generated data dropped into pre-printed boxes.

Evolutionary Throwback: Upper Case Dot Matrix… for the 80’s crowd.

Note the font. Institutional in appearance, it would warm the cockles of any actuary’s heart just to hear the buzz of an 80’s-era dot matrix printer ripping across the page as a cogged wheel advances the continuous form.

7. The terse opener: “This is to notify you”

8. The heads up: “What This Means To You:”

Commanding, but not demanding copy… and risk is eliminated in three bullets.

9. Three “No Risk” bullets: there are two kinds of risk in direct mail. The obvious one is, “getting ripped off”.

The not-so-obvious risk is the personal hassle that follows saying “yes”. This letter advises there will be no medical exam, no sending samples, and best of all, no sales person. So we can put the latex gloves away.

10. Your Next Steps: from here on, the letter simply instructs the reader how to apply. There are 5 steps, the last being a deadline date which will be reinforced throughout the kit.

Penmanship fitting for a President!.

11. Very important: the letter is signed by a titled officer of AAA Life Insurance. Unfortunately, I think the writer, Harold W Huffstetter, Jr. suspects that I am a nefarious check forger. If that is his actual signature, I cringe at the zeal and rabid discipline of his 4th grade teacher who taught him penmanship.

12. A personalized COVERAGE SELECTION CHART. (Not shown) There are oodles of legal hurdles that surround direct mail insurance marketing– the prospective insured can’t complain for lack of information. A close look offers a financial pat on the back for non-smokers, though.

Incidentally, dirt cheap prices start at 18 years of age. Do Millennials buy insurance? I doubt it, but it entices the Baby Boomer to look on.

Application is highlighted and well-spaced.

13. A color-highlighted application form. Again, this form probably underwent a martyr’s gauntlet of legal reviews. I like it because it adds color to an other-wise bland package. And there’s appropriate spacing for names and addresses.

This QR code (smudged for confidentiality) pulls up my information.

14. But note the QR code in the upper right corner. Could it be that I scan that and immediately apply online? Nope, and a good thing too. A distracting jump to a website at this point could kill the sale.

In fact, the QR code is for the data-entry folks at AAA. When scanned, it identifies me, and all the tracking detail attached to my record.

Questions are answered. Note the display of contents.

15. The SUMMARY OF COVERAGE is explicit. What is attractive on this piece is the table of contents on the front cover. This is a benefit piece, and again, is described in plain, low energy language.

Labels. We will never have enough labels, really!

16. My Thank You Gift. This is what everyone looks for in the kit. The unfoldable item. Here, the gift is a set of address labels.

You know, there is a future for address labels that extends beyond mailing your next bill payment.

Address labels find themselves on everything portable: cell phones, laptops, tablets, phone batteries, cameras, dog collars, staplers, strollers and DVDs. If it moves and it’s yours, it could use a label. Warren Buffet may label every freight car of BNSF Rail some day.

The reply envelope has two perfs. One for tearing, one for folding. Don’t mix them up!

17. Lastly, a blue reply envelope with motherly reminders to sign and date your application and…AND… to affix your PERSONAL PROCESSING LABEL!

While you may think this is hokey, I bet you a dollar that AAA’s mail box is stuffed with reply envelopes that carry the label, regardless of its seeming irrelevance. Why? First, we don’t want to jinx our life karma. And second, we like to play with sticky things. Honest.

One thing with the reply envelope– I wonder how many get destroyed by confused customers who tear off the wrong perforation. A little scissors icon would help.

When reduced to ink on paper, insurance marketing is pretty staid, but consumer friendly. What it lacks in emotional appeal it makes up in trustworthiness, as this kit demonstrates. Most important, it didn’t try to sell; it assumed already that I was prepared to apply.

And that’s why it works.

Thanks for taking the time to get to here. Please pass this along to your direct mail friends. Thanks!

direct mail, Marketing, Media

Tempting The Fates: 21 Ways To Miss A Mail Date

Just taking the time to share a thought or two while rushing to the airport. My apologies to all my faithful readers who wonder why they have to scan this post. But I was a direct mail guy, and the tangled webs of direct mail production may well be a metaphor for life in general.

For mailers, timelines are tight, the post office has rules, and nobody sees your see emergency as their emergency. The laws of physics trump all wishes to the contrary. This catechism of faux pas are all reminders of actual events.

How To Miss The Mail Date And Likely Disappear Into A Black Hole

1. Start late. The corollary: take up the wacky idea by your boss to be in the mail by Easter.

2. Assume that three weeks is 21 days. It is actually 15.

3. Skip the research: the offer is so powerful only a knucklehead could goof it up.

4. Pull in the Creative folks with a “team-building” challenge: just give them the offer and let them work out the rest.

5. Demand copy, comps and layout before you settle on the budget.

6. Demonstrate your economic intuition: estimate the numbers, response, cost, sales. Don’t be scared by the unknowns; you are a visionary risk taker. Guess!

7. Lean on your list provider. Maintain project secrecy. Ask for competitor ideas.

8. Once Creative gives you format design, get your Printer to price it. Ask for competitor ideas.

9. New Printer specs! Get Creative to revamp copy. Be firm with the deadline. No dilly dallying, this is a mega opportunity.

10. Flex your muscles. Go out to bid on print anyway. Don’t tip your hand to the competition. Quantities should be secret. Vague drop date.

11. Don’t bug your lettershop with production schedule questions.

12. A Power day for you! Bless the newly found low-bid printer with their first order. Advise impending drop date. Quantities may go up. Or down.

13. Delay approving final art. Experience has taught you that something could change later!

14. You are a team player. After rushing final art approval, pass to Legal to keep them in the loop. (Noseyparkers!)

15. Marketing brainstorm: boss adds a new version for a paper test. No problem!

16. Hold off approving printer’s proofs until Legal edits are changed on press.

17. Advise the lettershop: a split run over two weeks. Re-run list for goofy, inflexible postal demands.

18. Ask your list house for more names. Your boss wants to add his parents to the seed list. No problem!

19. Play hardball: hold off postage deposits with the USPS.

20. Get proactive: advise your inbound phone center of the impending promotion. Set up a separate meeting with the website folks.

21. Share your wisdom with the new trainee: test the phone number. When a “telephone dating service” answers, ask if you may borrow their number while your promotion runs.

I am sure that none of these instances have ever occurred in your career. Lucky you!

I have to go now as there is an unaccountably stupid, long, glacially slow line-up in airport security today.

Be sociable! Share!

Phil Brown

"Like triple cream– rich, pungent, a little barnyardy, and spreads easily. A good cheese."

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